ikols | open post | psls

[ He's never been unaware of the eyes following him as he moves through the ship, though he has maybe been willfully ignorant of all the reasons why people might stare as he goes from one place to another. It's none of his business, really, and part of the sensitivity trainings that are required for moving up the ranks do deal with how to manage a junior member of the crew developing an unfortunate crush. It's not unheard of, after all, being so far from home and crammed into a small space like this with a limited number of crew. The end of most five-year missions involve a lot of weddings for a reason.

He wants to continue to let himself spiral with his anxieties and his anger, but the more sensible part of himself forces him to calm down a little, enough that he can at least let his arms fall down to his sides once more. ]

I don't think that you snuck into my quarters to watch me change or something. [ Well, he didn't before, but now... ] But Loki, can't you see how this is a problem? A flaw in our security system? What if it hadn't been you to try and sneak onboard but someone else? Someone with, perhaps, a less harmless end goal?

It's not a flaw in your security, I am a god and my purview is lying, breaking, and entering places and things and people. The scale is somewhat tipped in my favour.

[ He snaps impatiently, sliding to his feet. Green eyes track over Chris's face, the pout on Loki's turning into a frown. His throat works on a lump even as his voice remains steady. ]

I came here to surprise you.

[ One of the reasons Chris is such a good captain is because he's calm and steady, even in uncertain situations. He might react on instinct at first, but it doesn't take long for his more rational mind to take over.

One of the reasons he's not such a good captain is because he's always been unfortunately swayed by his emotions. He knows Loki, to a certain extent, and while the fiasco that was his relationship with Alora and the Majellans in general perfectly underscores that just because you spent an enjoyable day with someone doesn't mean they can't surprise you with the dark depths of their character, he can't help but believe Loki.

They really need to sit down and frankly discuss the god comment. ]

Well. You certainly succeeded.

[ His posture relaxing, the frown on his face receding, he reaches out and raises a hand towards Loki, though he doesn't take a step forward. His body language isn't precisely inviting right now. Chris supposes he can't blame him. ]

Loki...

[ Oh, no. Chris doesn't get to howl at him and then reel it all back in by being an excellent kisser in a conference room with a very conveniently empty and durable table! Not that that is where Loki's mind went as soon as they stepped inside, not at all. Smoothing out his expression, Loki runs a hand through his hair and straightens his blue shirt, scooping the padd up from where it skidded to a halt. ]

I have reports to deliver.

[ With a cool dismissal of the outstretched hand, he tries to step around Chris to get to the door. ]

[ The problem is, right, is that Chris is between Loki and the door, and when Loki tries to side-step him, all Chris does is snag him around the waist.

Maybe this will result in him getting thrown onto his back and needing to be taken to medbay, but he's not going to risk Loki leaving this room and then leaving the ship entirely, all while things between them are so rocky. Who knows if Chris would ever see him again?

Holding him steady and silently praying that Loki continues to let himself be held, Chris reaches up to pin his delta badge back on his chest at precisely the right angle. ]

Loki. Lieutenant Lukas. [ If that's the name he's going with while on board, Chris might as well play along. ] I apologize for raising my voice. I can see that your gesture was well-intentioned, even if perhaps the execution was lacking in appropriate nuance.

[ Even if it was a completely batshit idea that was almost guaranteed to go badly. He's not dumb enough to say that out loud, though. ]

[ All that happens is Loki goes Erk! less than gracefully and stumbles a little into the arm around his waist, which he manages to look disgruntled about. Less when the badge is pinned back into place. He turns around in Chris's embrace, the padd held to Loki's chest between them as a barrier. ]

You're calling me less than subtle when you only noticed I was aboard because I wanted you to? Really.

That's not what I said.

[ At least he's turning to face him, even if the padd in his hands is still held up between them like a shield.

When this became about Chris reassuring Loki instead of the other way around... ]

It was very subtle. I might not have noticed you for months. [ Has he not noticed him for months? How long has Loki actually been on board? ] Your disguise is flawless. I only noticed you because you wanted me to, and, more importantly, because I would recognize your face anywhere across the entire galaxy.

[ His aloof façade crumples as the wheedling from Chris wriggles its way past Loki's shields, which admittedly are more from alarm than anything else. His shoulders slump and he looks down. ]

I didn't hurt anyone or break anything.

[ To reiterate that, for the sake of it. He looks up reluctantly, not hard to do with Chris shorter than him. ]

You didn't mind when we broke into that house.

[ Alright. Things are looking more promising now.

Not so promising yet that Chris feels like he'll be welcomed if he tries for anything like a kiss, but enough so that he feels he can slip both arms around Loki's waist and arrange himself to be directly in his line of sight. ]

I know. I know you wouldn't.

[ Because he seems to genuinely like Chris, to want to impress him, to make him happy. He's not blind to that. He's just hoping that that want is actually as genuine as it looks. ]

I guess it's hypocritical, but it's different when it's not an empty house on some far-away planet, but my house filled with hundreds of souls that are my direct responsibility. If something happened to my crew because of me...

[ That rubs him the wrong way, like listening to Thor berate him for the What Ifs surrounding anything Loki ever did to create something good. But what if -? What if?? He shakes his head, not wanting to hear it and frowning again, even if Chris has every right to be upset and Loki none. Loki ought to say something like I'm sorry, I'll never do it again, or Forgive me for trespassing, but he doesn't want to because the shock of being told off makes him feel indignant with his hackles up. ]

I want to go to the mess hall. Alone.

Edited 2022-06-18 22:23 (UTC)

[ Hurt is maybe just as dangerous a feeling as anger, but it's one Chris feels a bit more equipped to deal with. Loki is obviously feeling suitably chastised, and upset about it, but not ready to apologize. Chris can understand. ]

Alright.

[ He chances rubbing one hand up and then back down Loki's back, soothing him as best he can, before stepping back a little and giving him the option to sidle away. ]

Will I be able to see you again later?

[ Or will he sneak off the ship in a huff and go hide for a few thousand years somewhere else in the galaxy so by the time he comes back Chris will be dead and gone for generations? ]

Maybe.

[ He shoots him a brief look under his lashes, riding out his bad mood as he steps toward the doors and they don't open. Sigh. ]

Unless you would like me to hack your computer, can you take your lock code off this?

[ Wordlessly, Chris turns and comes towards the computer, waking up the control panel and inputting his override code.

Right before he hits enter and unlocks the door, he turns his head just enough to look at Loki as he stands beside him, giving him a quick once-over. ]

You look good in blue.

[ His eyes drop to Loki's wrists where his Lieutenant strips shine, wondering if that silly blue bracelet they purloined down on that planet is hiding beneath the cuff.

The doors slide open. ]

You chose it for me, remember.

[ There's more than a passing chance his bracelet is beneath one of those cuffs, given Loki's colour selection of uniform. He strides out of the conference room, making a beeline for the nearest turbolift and the shortest ride to take him somewhere less stuffy, somewhere away from Chris's overwhelming presence.

He rests his head in his arms once ensconced in a corner of the galley, only he isn't left to brood alone for long. People he has met and made pleasant acquaintances with ask if he's okay, to which the response The captain gave me a dressing-down draws some whistles and exclamations, chairs squealing as they are pulled over to hear the gossip, juicy even when left at I don't want to talk about it. Before very long he has ensigns flocking his table, some over folded arms where they lean on chairs and others joking about the times they felt like melting into dirt in front of the senior officers too. A sweet girl in red pats his arm. He cheers up as he lifts his head to listen, the bad mood starting to seep away as the crew of young explorers share gallingly embarrassing stories to make him feel like the world isn't ending (because clearly, being told off by Chris is terrifying as prospects go, no matter how much they adore him).

What did you do? asks an alien in yellow that he thinks helped him on his first day. "Something he didn't like," Loki replies, and there is a sage nodding of heads, as if that's a shared fear; no real reason for being in trouble, just somehow getting to that point. After half an hour, Loki is sharing drinks with a handful of colourful shirts. He's the captain, they keep reiterating, He can't neglect to pull people up on things, don't worry too much if you still have your commission. Everyone sympathises with Loki but nobody actively criticises Chris.

It was just an unpleasant shock, Lukas. Don't dwell on it.

It's his ship to run as he wants, y'know? He doesn't hate you, buddy.

Have another drink if your shift's over, it'll help you sleep tonight.

Perhaps, he thinks, he could go to find Chris later this evening. Apologise. He supposes he did sort of step out of line ... ]

[ Chris spends the rest of his shift in an embarrassingly distracted daze, trying to pinpoint when, exactly, Loki might have made his way onto the ship, if he'd been here for longer than just one day, why he wanted to blend into the background and observe.

I wanted to see you in your home, without spoiling it for a while. Spoiling what? The chance to see Chris micromanage everyone beneath him? The chance to see how quickly the salt is taking over the pepper in his hair, every day bringing with it yet more white strands in what used to be a full head of dark brown curls?

He can't make himself believe that Loki was scoping out the ship for nefarious purposes, even though he makes a half-hearted effort to try to convince himself of that very thing, because the hurt when he'd been yelled at had felt so real. Chris likes to pride himself on being a good judge of character, on being empathetic enough to be able to tell when people are telling their truth, even if it's not the truth, but that doesn't mean he can't be lied to. By omission if not by any real malice.

By the time Delta shift comes in to take over, Number One arching one dark eyebrow at him pointedly when she has to clear her throat twice to break him out of his daze so he can give up the chair to her, he doesn't feel all that much steadier. It's apparently noticeable enough that even Ortegas corners him about it as they file into the turbolift, lifting her chin and her brows both at him as she scratches at the shaved sides of her head.

You doin' okay there, sir? she asks, sincerity coming out of every pore.

He doesn't have the heart to lie to her, so he mumbles something about a headache, maybe he's coming down with something, and he only realizes his mistake after her eyes light up and she declares that he should swing by sickbay. Somehow, he manages to convince her that really all he needs is something to eat, but by that point they're well past the officer's mess and on the way to the general cafeteria so he just follows her into the cavernous room and lines up for the replicators like everyone else.

It's only once they've sat down that he remembers that Loki asked to be let free to go to the mess hall. Unable to help himself, he glances around, his eyes immediately caught on a little knot of brightly-colored shirts off to one side, the whole group clustered around a lean figure in bright blue, his dark hair a stark contrast against creamy pale skin.

Ortegas has to call his name to get his attention back to their table. Wincing, he rubs at his temple and makes some stupid quip that at least turns the heat off of him, but he can't help continuing to glance over at the table at which Loki is clearly holding court. Maybe he won't notice that Chris is here. Hopefully he won't.

But maybe he will. ]

[ It's like the sun walks into the room: one person notices, then another, then everyone at Loki's table is lowkey Aware(TM) of Chris and a lot more alarmed than they are intrigued.

Seriously, what did you do?

I have, uh, a medical exam. Serious one.

Whoa, is that the time, engineering's gonna blow up if I don't do that diagnostic!

Loki sits perfectly still, staring at the glass in his hand as nervous crew are spooked and make their excuses to leave him in what he suspects they believe is the firing range. He can't blame them. Why is Chris here? Did he come because Loki said this is where he would be? If so, would it be so very strange for him to sit down with him? Unless ... is he still mad? Is this an imposition to remind Loki that none of the space on the ship is his? Looking out of one of the boxy windows to the galaxies beyond, Loki thinks of his apartment in Manhattan and how much he suddenly wants to be home. He messed things up before they even got started in this universe ...

So he notices Chris, along with everyone else who has eyes, but he simply looks away and imagines he sees Asgard floating outside instead. ]

[ Sitting at a table with mostly bridge crew, Chris is all too aware that he probably shouldn't be here. As Captain of the ship, he's kept at a remove from the rest of the crew, even those he sees regularly, even those with whom he has an easy camaraderie. He calls Ortegas by her first name more often than not, even La'an gets the first-name treatment — although with her it's usually just because two syllables is a lot shorter than four — but he's not foolish enough to think that they're friends.

There's a reason Chris signs off on requisition requests when someone asks to reserve one of the rec rooms for one party or other but never attends: nobody wants to relax after work with your boss breathing down your neck.

He shouldn't have come into the main mess, not when he knew Loki was going to be here.

However...

Before he can stop to think better of the impulse, he finds himself standing and collecting his tray, one hand raised to keep Ortegas in her seat as she tries to follow him with clear concern writ boldly across her face, and suddenly he's striding across the room to set his tray down on the table at which Loki now sits alone, staring out the windows. ]

Having Erica ask you to come join us would make me feel far too much like I'm in high school again, so I figured... [ He shrugs, smoothing down the front of his shirt, and twists a little in his seat so he can cross one leg over the other. ] If you want me to leave you alone some more I will.

[ A couple of times he visited Kamala at her school and was surprised by how very High School(TM) it actually was. He feels like he belongs in that cafeteria brimming with kids when ("By Odin's beard,") Chris crosses the small mess hall and sits opposite, Loki's incredulous mutter lost in his hand. He doesn't know why he cares about his fake reputation that he spent three days cultivating except that the people here seemed to like Lieutenant Lukas and being surrounded by new friends (even ones he's lying to about literally everything about himself) has been a nice change. He's weirdly and inexplicably worried for Chris's reputation too. ]

I came in here looking like a wet rag and the crew advised me on how to deal with you when I said you had dressed me down. Now it looks as if you like me. [ He wrinkles his nose, folding his arms. Stupid Chris, sitting there like the only meal in the mess hall Loki wants to eat. ] Lieutenant Lukas says stop playing with his feelings.

The crew advised you on how to deal with me?

[ That shouldn't be surprising. It looked like Loki had a complement of friends surrounding him as he sat, dejected, staring into his glass. Chris is glad of it, that for however long Loki's been here, he's been able to make friends with the crew. It's important to have people in your corner. ]

And I do like you. [ Isn't that obvious? It's only the many, many eyes that are trained on them that's keeping him from reaching across the table to take Loki's hands in his. ] I like all my crew. [ That's not true at all. Chris likes the majority of his crew, sure, mostly in that "sure I like them but I know nothing about them" kind of way, but there are a few people on the ship that he honestly wouldn't be sad to never see again. He's not going to say that out loud, though, not to Loki who's currently nursing a bruised ego, and not in the mess hall when simple human ears might not hear but other races' might. ]

My apologies to Lieutenant Lukas, then.

[ He folds his arms as he sits back, mirroring Chris's pose on the opposite side of the table as he crosses a leg over. If Chris wants to approach him in public, Loki is going to test to what degree he's willing to stay, even if Loki keeps his voice low for only their ears. ]

If you like all your crew, why don't you ask one of them if they traversed a dimensional barrier to get to know your world instead of crashing it like a mindless demanding child?

[ Thousands of years old, apparently and yet Loki is still so very young.

Chris wonders if Loki's world, his universe, had followed a similar trajectory to his; did he live through all the same historical events that shaped the world Chris grew up in? World War Three, the Eugenics Wars, First Contact? Does he have any of the same cultural reference points that are such a cornerstone of Chris's understanding of the universe? What was his life really like before he decided to flit into Chris's orbit? ]

I know they haven't. Nobody on this ship is remotely powerful enough to do what you can do.

It's not about power, it's about would they do it? If they could tear apart reality with a touch [ he raises a hand, a finger extended, pausing for a breath before brushing his hair back with it, ] would they make you their priority?

[ He's not entirely sure what Loki's trying to prove here, if he's trying to make Chris feel bad for reprimanding him for breaking and entering when the stakes are so much higher now than just a set of bedsheets, or if he's trying to make Chris worry for the structural integrity of his ship, for the safety of every crewmember living inside its walls. ]

I'd like to think they wouldn't. [ He does sometimes wonder what someone like Loki is doing with him. If he's really as powerful as he says, and it's starting to look like he is, what the hell is he doing wasting time with Chris? ] But I don't think that's a question I can answer.

You're angry that I sneaked onto your ship but I mention I could open a hole in reality right over your lunch and you don't bat an eye?

[ The goading lifts as he snorts, looking for all the world as if he's sassing the captain. ]

Your minion over there looks about ready to throw me in your brig.

[ Chris shifts his attention to the side briefly, making eye contact with the red-shirted security officer who is, in fact, looking like they might pop up and offer to escort Loki to the brig. Chris lifts two fingers off his arm and gestures at them, a silent stand down, and turns his attention back to Loki. ]

Yes. I am angry that you sneaked onto my ship. [ There's no point lying about that. ] I also know that if you wanted to open a hole in reality over my lunch there's very little I could do to stop you.

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