[ It's a little difficult for him to bend down to kiss Loki's temple right now without squishing him, so he restrains himself, but he does tenderly stroke his fingertips across his hairline and down to his jaw. ] I'm so sorry.
[ Chris has intimate knowledge of what it feels like to see something horrible and tragic happen to yourself; just because the other Lokis this one has seen aren't himself, aren't his future, doesn't mean it's not traumatic. Chris still sees his own burned and mangled reflection in his dreams nearly every night.
Sighing softly, he resumes finger-combing Loki's hair, his gaze going a little far-away. ]
There's still so much I don't know, so much knowledge in the universe I've never learned. You must have seen so much.
Continuing to pet him gently, Chris listens to Loki speak and tries to imagine what that might be like, knowing he doesn't really have to imagine all that hard. It seems that being a god means a proper rebirth, not what's waiting for Chris a few years down the line. He wants to be jealous, to find it all deeply unfair, but unfortunately, if there's one thing Chris has learned in his life, it's that things are rarely fair. ]
Have you? [ It's still hard to imagine Loki as anything but what he looks like, a young man, sometimes a young woman, sometimes, apparently, a fox. The weight of grief and uncertain decisions doesn't seem to weigh on him as heavily as it does on other people, but that doesn't mean it isn't still there. ] Do you want to talk about it?
There's nothing much to talk about. I always burn, one way or another. Literally twice, which was less than thrilling.
[ He wrinkles his nose, reaching up to palm Chris's chest where he knows his heart is. ]
Every time I ... I don't want to say reincarnate since that's not something the Pagan pantheon does, but when I return each time, I'm different. Remade.
[ He doesn't really want to talk about burning, considering what's in store for his own future.
Loki's hand on his chest brings him back to himself, enough that when he looks down at him again, he's not seeing his own agonizing death but instead seeing the young man he's grown so painfully fond of, the one he's apparently dating now.
Chris has never dated a god before. ]
I like the way you are now. [ He covers Loki's hand on his chest, curling their fingers together. ]
You would, considering the haggard old man I used to be. Trust me, not very sexy at all.
[ He squeezes Chris's fingers, bringing them to his lips to mirror the kiss from before. ]
Asgard suffers from Ragnarok, a cycle of rebirth, that is why it sometimes dies off more often than other realms. The devastation is too great, it cannot begin again. We were told by the Norns that we had to stay locked in our stories, our roles as they were foretold and written in the myths you are searching for, but we decided to reject them and broke the cycle a few years ago.
I'm no longer the God of Evil nowadays, but the god of a lot of other, nicer purviews.
Sweetheart, you're dating a haggard old man, don't throw stones.
[ Chris wonders if Loki has told Spock any of this, if this is going to show up in the after-mission briefings, or if this is just for Chris to know. Are there other gods in this universe that follow the same rules as the Aesir? What does it mean to break a cycle like that? Who are the Norn?
He seems very dismissive of the God of Evil bit, but considering the way he was brought up, it's probably understandable. Evil is misunderstood, by and large. Not to mention frequently mistranslated. ]
[ He can't help laughing, watching fondly as Loki squints at him and tries to come up with a number that's both accurate and flattering. Deciding to take pity on him, he clarifies. ]
I'm forty-three.
[ Letting his finger get nibbled on, he clucks under Loki's chin with the others. ]
Then why call yourself old? [ Laughing around Chris's finger, he swats at his chin with a lack-lustre wave of his hand. ] What are you afraid of, that I won't want you when you're even greyer than you are now? I think I've proved that I will.
[ Almost everyone assigned to this ship is thirty or younger, barring a few of the higher officers like Una or M'Benga. Chris doesn't mind feeling like the ship's dad, but it can make him feel pretty damn old in comparison, especially when the cadets come in. ]
Considering how fast this gray is encroaching, I'd really hope you would.
The only reason, dear, I'm sorry to be the bearer of shallow revelations.
[ He raises his arms to drape around Chris's neck and help himself sit up, wanting to climb between his legs and slump against all that warm mortal weight. Go away, padd and tea! ]
You call me pretty so often, I never tell you how handsome you are. Would you like me to wax lyrical about your eyes?
[ The padd is easily disposed of, tossed off to the other side of the bed, but the tea is slightly more complicated in that Chris has to gulp down a bit more before he feels it's safe being deposited on the bedside table so that he can use both hands to wrap Loki up in his arms since apparently it's snuggling time two point oh. ]
I mean, you can if you want to, but it's not necessary.
[ Waiting until he can squirm around and rest a shoulder against him, he brings his hands up to cup Chris's face and says, in a heavily Norsk-like language that the universal translator doesn't recognise, ]
Þinn augerr lítendlessr blár lopt, ek munu fyrirallrtími haldþúr sem minn.
[ Chris holds himself still until Loki gets settled between his legs, leaning up against Chris's chest so their faces are close and he has both hands free to cup Chris's cheeks in his palms and hold him steady.
Those pretty green eyes of his, almost eerily bright, scan Chris's face with the kind of scrutiny that might be uncomfortable were it not coming from someone Chris is so comfortable with.
The lilting words he speaks sound so tender that Chris can't help but smile in response, painfully charmed even if he doesn't understand what was said. ]
That's cheating.
[ He's pretty sure Loki said something nice. Although, it would be just his luck that he called him an ugly bastard in a language the Universal Translator doesn't know. It seems unlikely, though. ]
You should learn Asgardian then, shouldn't you, kærr?
[ Chuckling, he kisses him softly and brushes through that silvery hair with lingering affection. The cosy bed where they have holed up after good food and an exhausting bout of sex is now his favourite place to be, resting his head on Chris's shoulder. ]
I want to be here with you always, Chris. I'm sorry I can't.
[ Accepting the kiss and the fingers in his hair, Chris keeps smiling, feeling remarkably content with his life and how things are going in it. It's amazing how, even with certain death and destruction looming on the horizon, things can still be good and you can still be happy if only you try.
He strokes his hand up and down Loki's back, smoothing out his soft shirt and feeling the shape of his shoulder blades beneath his skin. ]
I know, sweetheart. But you have your own responsibilities too. I can't keep you here, no matter how much I want to.
[ Not when he could be squirrelled up in bed with Chris, nosing at the toasty curve of his neck. ]
I'll return as soon as I can. I ... don't know when that will be. Oh! [ Sitting up suddenly, he summons his Starkphone into his hand and unlocks it, opening it to his phone number. ] This allows me to be contacted across any time or plane of reality, it might work across universes too! How, uh, could we convert my phone number into something you could use?
[ Chris has no idea what Jotunheim looks like, but based on the frost giant comments earlier and how cool Loki's skin is when he hasn't been touching Chris for a while, he can take what feels like a fairly educated guess. Having grown up in the desert, he can understand Loki's sentiments, if perhaps for slightly different reasons. ]
You're not going to leave just yet, are you?
[ Surprised, he lets Loki scramble up out of his arms, watching with raised eyebrows as that little display device he used earlier comes sailing into his hand as if by magic. Because it was magic that brought it to him. ]
I don't see why not. It's just a comm code, right? It might take a little tinkering, but I bet we could make it work.
I'm not going to run away five seconds after you've dicked me down, no. Fear not.
[ Smirking, Loki swipes up the discarded padd and leans back against Chris's chest, balancing the screen on his bent knees. He sets his phone atop it and green runes light up on the surface, scattering into the padd as he types. The blue of the ship's computer mingles with the lime of Loki's coding and he starts half-writing, half-casting the spell into the padd in a blend of techno-magic he usually keeps to himself (when he isn't breaking into Avengers Tower) while using Chris as a comfy armchair. ]
I'll try to link this device to mine, that way you can call me whenever you want. If you're not busy.
Speaking of running away five seconds after being dicked down, [ honestly, what the fuck, Loki, ] what's this asylum thing about?
[ Watching Loki work is fascinating. Chris has a pretty basic understanding of technical systems, knowing how to write new code and fix established systems, but he's not very gifted with it. He could manage to pass his exams, but it never really appealed to him, and so he always focused his attentions on other things, things that grabbed him more, things that felt more exciting than lines and lines of data.
What Loki's doing looks very little like what Chris had to learn to do in school. ]
I'd like that. [ He leans in to press a kiss to the tender skin where neck and shoulder meet, where his shirt gapes just enough for Chris to fit his lips there. ]
Oh, there's always one of me trying to murder me in another universe if I visit, but since you don't seem to have Asgard here I suppose I'm safe. It's a good excuse to stick around, though.
[ Master Hacker Skillz(TM) flitting over the two screens as Loki weaves coding like paint on a canvas, he tips his chin up to accept the kiss on his neck, leaning into Chris with a distracted smile. ]
I might just stay until you get sick of the sight of me.
[ Chris never had to visit what Discovery's crew started calling the Mirror Universe, where poor Ensign Tilly was Captain Killy, where the Phillipa Georgiou he knew as a sharp and capable Captain was actually a genocidal Emperor, but he did get to meet that version of Georgiou, and it was...unsettling. He'd never asked her what he was like in that universe, and he doesn't want to know, because chances are he was just as bloodthirsty and menacing. Or, perhaps worse, he wasn't, and he was murdered early by a rival trying to claim his position.
He keeps his hands nice and chaste around Loki's waist, not doing anything to distract him, but he doesn't stop himself from planting a few more kisses along his neck just because it's a tempting thing to do. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ It's a little difficult for him to bend down to kiss Loki's temple right now without squishing him, so he restrains himself, but he does tenderly stroke his fingertips across his hairline and down to his jaw. ] I'm so sorry.
[ Chris has intimate knowledge of what it feels like to see something horrible and tragic happen to yourself; just because the other Lokis this one has seen aren't himself, aren't his future, doesn't mean it's not traumatic. Chris still sees his own burned and mangled reflection in his dreams nearly every night.
Sighing softly, he resumes finger-combing Loki's hair, his gaze going a little far-away. ]
There's still so much I don't know, so much knowledge in the universe I've never learned. You must have seen so much.
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I have, but it's hard to remember things from past lifetimes.
[ The fingers running through his hair have Loki's eyes closing to better memorise the way they feel doing that. ]
I've died a few times too.
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Continuing to pet him gently, Chris listens to Loki speak and tries to imagine what that might be like, knowing he doesn't really have to imagine all that hard. It seems that being a god means a proper rebirth, not what's waiting for Chris a few years down the line. He wants to be jealous, to find it all deeply unfair, but unfortunately, if there's one thing Chris has learned in his life, it's that things are rarely fair. ]
Have you? [ It's still hard to imagine Loki as anything but what he looks like, a young man, sometimes a young woman, sometimes, apparently, a fox. The weight of grief and uncertain decisions doesn't seem to weigh on him as heavily as it does on other people, but that doesn't mean it isn't still there. ] Do you want to talk about it?
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[ He wrinkles his nose, reaching up to palm Chris's chest where he knows his heart is. ]
Every time I ... I don't want to say reincarnate since that's not something the Pagan pantheon does, but when I return each time, I'm different. Remade.
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Loki's hand on his chest brings him back to himself, enough that when he looks down at him again, he's not seeing his own agonizing death but instead seeing the young man he's grown so painfully fond of, the one he's apparently dating now.
Chris has never dated a god before. ]
I like the way you are now. [ He covers Loki's hand on his chest, curling their fingers together. ]
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[ He squeezes Chris's fingers, bringing them to his lips to mirror the kiss from before. ]
Asgard suffers from Ragnarok, a cycle of rebirth, that is why it sometimes dies off more often than other realms. The devastation is too great, it cannot begin again. We were told by the Norns that we had to stay locked in our stories, our roles as they were foretold and written in the myths you are searching for, but we decided to reject them and broke the cycle a few years ago.
I'm no longer the God of Evil nowadays, but the god of a lot of other, nicer purviews.
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[ Chris wonders if Loki has told Spock any of this, if this is going to show up in the after-mission briefings, or if this is just for Chris to know. Are there other gods in this universe that follow the same rules as the Aesir? What does it mean to break a cycle like that? Who are the Norn?
He seems very dismissive of the God of Evil bit, but considering the way he was brought up, it's probably understandable. Evil is misunderstood, by and large. Not to mention frequently mistranslated. ]
Mm, your purviews are very nice.
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[ He nips Chris's index, pretending to take it hostage in his mouth. ]
I'm old, yes, but I'm also the age you see before you when I'm not accessing those memories or magics. I am, quite simply, your Loki.
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I'm forty-three.
[ Letting his finger get nibbled on, he clucks under Loki's chin with the others. ]
All mine.
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[ Almost everyone assigned to this ship is thirty or younger, barring a few of the higher officers like Una or M'Benga. Chris doesn't mind feeling like the ship's dad, but it can make him feel pretty damn old in comparison, especially when the cadets come in. ]
Considering how fast this gray is encroaching, I'd really hope you would.
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So that's why everyone listens to me.
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[ He raises his arms to drape around Chris's neck and help himself sit up, wanting to climb between his legs and slump against all that warm mortal weight. Go away, padd and tea! ]
You call me pretty so often, I never tell you how handsome you are. Would you like me to wax lyrical about your eyes?
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[ The padd is easily disposed of, tossed off to the other side of the bed, but the tea is slightly more complicated in that Chris has to gulp down a bit more before he feels it's safe being deposited on the bedside table so that he can use both hands to wrap Loki up in his arms since apparently it's snuggling time two point oh. ]
I mean, you can if you want to, but it's not necessary.
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Þinn augerr lítendlessr blár lopt, ek munu fyrirallrtími haldþúr sem minn.
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Those pretty green eyes of his, almost eerily bright, scan Chris's face with the kind of scrutiny that might be uncomfortable were it not coming from someone Chris is so comfortable with.
The lilting words he speaks sound so tender that Chris can't help but smile in response, painfully charmed even if he doesn't understand what was said. ]
That's cheating.
[ He's pretty sure Loki said something nice. Although, it would be just his luck that he called him an ugly bastard in a language the Universal Translator doesn't know. It seems unlikely, though. ]
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[ Chuckling, he kisses him softly and brushes through that silvery hair with lingering affection. The cosy bed where they have holed up after good food and an exhausting bout of sex is now his favourite place to be, resting his head on Chris's shoulder. ]
I want to be here with you always, Chris. I'm sorry I can't.
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[ Accepting the kiss and the fingers in his hair, Chris keeps smiling, feeling remarkably content with his life and how things are going in it. It's amazing how, even with certain death and destruction looming on the horizon, things can still be good and you can still be happy if only you try.
He strokes his hand up and down Loki's back, smoothing out his soft shirt and feeling the shape of his shoulder blades beneath his skin. ]
I know, sweetheart. But you have your own responsibilities too. I can't keep you here, no matter how much I want to.
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[ Not when he could be squirrelled up in bed with Chris, nosing at the toasty curve of his neck. ]
I'll return as soon as I can. I ... don't know when that will be. Oh! [ Sitting up suddenly, he summons his Starkphone into his hand and unlocks it, opening it to his phone number. ] This allows me to be contacted across any time or plane of reality, it might work across universes too! How, uh, could we convert my phone number into something you could use?
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You're not going to leave just yet, are you?
[ Surprised, he lets Loki scramble up out of his arms, watching with raised eyebrows as that little display device he used earlier comes sailing into his hand as if by magic. Because it was magic that brought it to him. ]
I don't see why not. It's just a comm code, right? It might take a little tinkering, but I bet we could make it work.
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[ Smirking, Loki swipes up the discarded padd and leans back against Chris's chest, balancing the screen on his bent knees. He sets his phone atop it and green runes light up on the surface, scattering into the padd as he types. The blue of the ship's computer mingles with the lime of Loki's coding and he starts half-writing, half-casting the spell into the padd in a blend of techno-magic he usually keeps to himself (when he isn't breaking into Avengers Tower) while using Chris as a comfy armchair. ]
I'll try to link this device to mine, that way you can call me whenever you want. If you're not busy.
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[ Watching Loki work is fascinating. Chris has a pretty basic understanding of technical systems, knowing how to write new code and fix established systems, but he's not very gifted with it. He could manage to pass his exams, but it never really appealed to him, and so he always focused his attentions on other things, things that grabbed him more, things that felt more exciting than lines and lines of data.
What Loki's doing looks very little like what Chris had to learn to do in school. ]
I'd like that. [ He leans in to press a kiss to the tender skin where neck and shoulder meet, where his shirt gapes just enough for Chris to fit his lips there. ]
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[ Master Hacker Skillz(TM) flitting over the two screens as Loki weaves coding like paint on a canvas, he tips his chin up to accept the kiss on his neck, leaning into Chris with a distracted smile. ]
I might just stay until you get sick of the sight of me.
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[ Chris never had to visit what Discovery's crew started calling the Mirror Universe, where poor Ensign Tilly was Captain Killy, where the Phillipa Georgiou he knew as a sharp and capable Captain was actually a genocidal Emperor, but he did get to meet that version of Georgiou, and it was...unsettling. He'd never asked her what he was like in that universe, and he doesn't want to know, because chances are he was just as bloodthirsty and menacing. Or, perhaps worse, he wasn't, and he was murdered early by a rival trying to claim his position.
He keeps his hands nice and chaste around Loki's waist, not doing anything to distract him, but he doesn't stop himself from planting a few more kisses along his neck just because it's a tempting thing to do. ]
You're going to be here a while, then.
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