[ it's honestly pretty sad. look into this apartment and you'll see the face of depression itself. josh has lived here over a month now and the place is solidly lacking in any personal touches, save for what probably came with it. there are framed photos of spoons hung on the wall as he'd... well, he'd had no pictures to hang from them. and there is an actual go-bag next to the door, ready to be grabbed and slung on at moment's notice. ]
I beg to differ, I am here to discuss whatever I want about you because you're yelling at people like the crazy guy who thinks the pigeons in the park are his friend and tells off the ones that have more than two bacon bits in a row. Do you want to be crazy bird guy?
Billy said that at some point in the future he would try to create a new reality, maybe, he didn't say he was about to leap off the couch and do it here.
Don't be a pigheaded jock about this because you are afraid.
Not everything is a dramatic, world-ending disaster, not everyone is a shaky tectonic plate under your feet that may give out and let you down before you can glue them together. I know you feel it is your responsibility to do so but it is not, and you are being a jerk like ... like Logan. You're becoming Wolverine!
[ He throws his arms wide to let them flop to his sides, shaking his head. ]
I can't begin to care about all mutant problems because I am not part of them and nor can I imagine I ever will be, not really. It's not my business! And if I was so bold as to pretend it was, I expect Emma Frost would immediately scramble my mind for fun even if it gave her brain-freeze for a month! Frankly, she would have the right.
Don't give me a dramatic retelling of your trauma, Josh, I am not David who will let you yap about it until every syllable is entombed forever in my mind. I don't want to know if this is how you choose to tell me!
[ He steps forward to poke Josh in the chest. ]
Billy did nothing wrong and you made him feel so shitty he had to lie down. He has anxiety and suffered from depression. I almost made him kill himself with a gun once. If you care about Laurie so much, imagine how mad I am at you for sending Billy down a nerve-wracking, unfounded shame spiral when all that boy wanted to do was help.
[ but then loki's going on. and on. and missing the point, and bringing up other valid ones, and -
loki steps forward and josh knows exactly what sort of disaster he's speeding towards here. he wrenches back and away from his touch, seconds before the worst can come to pass. not quick enough to avoid the passing touch. rather than life radiating from him and warming loki's finger, the cold sensation of death chases after it.
the brilliant gold of his skin washes to a flat, matte black seconds afterwards. he's breathing heavily, one hand gripping tightly to the front of his shirt. as if that's all that's holding him together. as if that makes any difference, when his expression is twisted up somewhere between rage and anguish. ]
[ He snatches his hand back (that hurt!, whatever that was) as Josh stumbles back and grips his own shirt, the spread of black only showing when it touches his neck and hands, spreading to his face.
Did he break Josh?
There's a moment of pregnant silence as Loki backs off another step, eyeing him. Judging that reaction, the expression. He swallows his anger before it can bank and crest back up, stuffing it back down so he can deal with Josh first. ]
[ He presses his lips into a thin, bloodless line. focusing on his breathing. trying to pull away from everything and narrow his focus back down to a single point. the sound of his own heartbeat. the oxygen through his own blood. forcefully diverting his powers from chasing, the instinct to hurt that goes hand-in-hand with powers that heal.
he covers his face with his other hand, running shaky fingers through his hair.
if he's this far gone? he should get the fuck out of the city for a while. away from everyone. away from laurie, and from david, and from anybody else who might veer to close to try to help when he's at risk of completely losing himself and lashing out. ]
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[ it's honestly pretty sad. look into this apartment and you'll see the face of depression itself. josh has lived here over a month now and the place is solidly lacking in any personal touches, save for what probably came with it. there are framed photos of spoons hung on the wall as he'd... well, he'd had no pictures to hang from them. and there is an actual go-bag next to the door, ready to be grabbed and slung on at moment's notice. ]
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[ He turns around, pulling his coat away from a dusty, unused armchair covered in. Whatever was left on it. ]
This is how dogs live in derelict buildings.
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[ he'll yank his blankets off the couch so there's space to sit.
At least it's not food waste. Just lack of care where things fall. ]
Yeah, that tracks.
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Has David been here to visit you?
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Don't be a pigheaded jock about this because you are afraid.
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I'm not sorry. And I'm not sorry for being worried about losing yet another reality to someone deciding they know better than everybody else.
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Not everything is a dramatic, world-ending disaster, not everyone is a shaky tectonic plate under your feet that may give out and let you down before you can glue them together. I know you feel it is your responsibility to do so but it is not, and you are being a jerk like ... like Logan. You're becoming Wolverine!
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Do you know what actually causes mutant problems, Loki?
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[ He throws his arms wide to let them flop to his sides, shaking his head. ]
I can't begin to care about all mutant problems because I am not part of them and nor can I imagine I ever will be, not really. It's not my business! And if I was so bold as to pretend it was, I expect Emma Frost would immediately scramble my mind for fun even if it gave her brain-freeze for a month! Frankly, she would have the right.
Don't give me a dramatic retelling of your trauma, Josh, I am not David who will let you yap about it until every syllable is entombed forever in my mind. I don't want to know if this is how you choose to tell me!
[ He steps forward to poke Josh in the chest. ]
Billy did nothing wrong and you made him feel so shitty he had to lie down. He has anxiety and suffered from depression. I almost made him kill himself with a gun once. If you care about Laurie so much, imagine how mad I am at you for sending Billy down a nerve-wracking, unfounded shame spiral when all that boy wanted to do was help.
And I am mad! For the record!
[ Phew. ]
... And leaving now, I think.
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[ but then loki's going on. and on. and missing the point, and bringing up other valid ones, and -
loki steps forward and josh knows exactly what sort of disaster he's speeding towards here. he wrenches back and away from his touch, seconds before the worst can come to pass. not quick enough to avoid the passing touch. rather than life radiating from him and warming loki's finger, the cold sensation of death chases after it.
the brilliant gold of his skin washes to a flat, matte black seconds afterwards. he's breathing heavily, one hand gripping tightly to the front of his shirt. as if that's all that's holding him together. as if that makes any difference, when his expression is twisted up somewhere between rage and anguish. ]
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Did he break Josh?
There's a moment of pregnant silence as Loki backs off another step, eyeing him. Judging that reaction, the expression. He swallows his anger before it can bank and crest back up, stuffing it back down so he can deal with Josh first. ]
Breathe. Count one-and-two.
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he covers his face with his other hand, running shaky fingers through his hair.
if he's this far gone? he should get the fuck out of the city for a while. away from everyone. away from laurie, and from david, and from anybody else who might veer to close to try to help when he's at risk of completely losing himself and lashing out. ]
... I'm sorry. [ ... ] Just... Tell your friend I'm sorry.
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