Billy said that at some point in the future he would try to create a new reality, maybe, he didn't say he was about to leap off the couch and do it here.
Don't be a pigheaded jock about this because you are afraid.
Not everything is a dramatic, world-ending disaster, not everyone is a shaky tectonic plate under your feet that may give out and let you down before you can glue them together. I know you feel it is your responsibility to do so but it is not, and you are being a jerk like ... like Logan. You're becoming Wolverine!
[ He throws his arms wide to let them flop to his sides, shaking his head. ]
I can't begin to care about all mutant problems because I am not part of them and nor can I imagine I ever will be, not really. It's not my business! And if I was so bold as to pretend it was, I expect Emma Frost would immediately scramble my mind for fun even if it gave her brain-freeze for a month! Frankly, she would have the right.
Don't give me a dramatic retelling of your trauma, Josh, I am not David who will let you yap about it until every syllable is entombed forever in my mind. I don't want to know if this is how you choose to tell me!
[ He steps forward to poke Josh in the chest. ]
Billy did nothing wrong and you made him feel so shitty he had to lie down. He has anxiety and suffered from depression. I almost made him kill himself with a gun once. If you care about Laurie so much, imagine how mad I am at you for sending Billy down a nerve-wracking, unfounded shame spiral when all that boy wanted to do was help.
[ but then loki's going on. and on. and missing the point, and bringing up other valid ones, and -
loki steps forward and josh knows exactly what sort of disaster he's speeding towards here. he wrenches back and away from his touch, seconds before the worst can come to pass. not quick enough to avoid the passing touch. rather than life radiating from him and warming loki's finger, the cold sensation of death chases after it.
the brilliant gold of his skin washes to a flat, matte black seconds afterwards. he's breathing heavily, one hand gripping tightly to the front of his shirt. as if that's all that's holding him together. as if that makes any difference, when his expression is twisted up somewhere between rage and anguish. ]
[ He snatches his hand back (that hurt!, whatever that was) as Josh stumbles back and grips his own shirt, the spread of black only showing when it touches his neck and hands, spreading to his face.
Did he break Josh?
There's a moment of pregnant silence as Loki backs off another step, eyeing him. Judging that reaction, the expression. He swallows his anger before it can bank and crest back up, stuffing it back down so he can deal with Josh first. ]
[ He presses his lips into a thin, bloodless line. focusing on his breathing. trying to pull away from everything and narrow his focus back down to a single point. the sound of his own heartbeat. the oxygen through his own blood. forcefully diverting his powers from chasing, the instinct to hurt that goes hand-in-hand with powers that heal.
he covers his face with his other hand, running shaky fingers through his hair.
if he's this far gone? he should get the fuck out of the city for a while. away from everyone. away from laurie, and from david, and from anybody else who might veer to close to try to help when he's at risk of completely losing himself and lashing out. ]
[ A weak smile quirks for a moment, mulling his options. ]
I've cooked dinner at my place, it should be ready to eat now. Billy is there, he's my housemate. I think [ gently, ] it would be good for you to break bread together ... over my fabulous cooking.
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Don't be a pigheaded jock about this because you are afraid.
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I'm not sorry. And I'm not sorry for being worried about losing yet another reality to someone deciding they know better than everybody else.
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Not everything is a dramatic, world-ending disaster, not everyone is a shaky tectonic plate under your feet that may give out and let you down before you can glue them together. I know you feel it is your responsibility to do so but it is not, and you are being a jerk like ... like Logan. You're becoming Wolverine!
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Do you know what actually causes mutant problems, Loki?
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[ He throws his arms wide to let them flop to his sides, shaking his head. ]
I can't begin to care about all mutant problems because I am not part of them and nor can I imagine I ever will be, not really. It's not my business! And if I was so bold as to pretend it was, I expect Emma Frost would immediately scramble my mind for fun even if it gave her brain-freeze for a month! Frankly, she would have the right.
Don't give me a dramatic retelling of your trauma, Josh, I am not David who will let you yap about it until every syllable is entombed forever in my mind. I don't want to know if this is how you choose to tell me!
[ He steps forward to poke Josh in the chest. ]
Billy did nothing wrong and you made him feel so shitty he had to lie down. He has anxiety and suffered from depression. I almost made him kill himself with a gun once. If you care about Laurie so much, imagine how mad I am at you for sending Billy down a nerve-wracking, unfounded shame spiral when all that boy wanted to do was help.
And I am mad! For the record!
[ Phew. ]
... And leaving now, I think.
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[ but then loki's going on. and on. and missing the point, and bringing up other valid ones, and -
loki steps forward and josh knows exactly what sort of disaster he's speeding towards here. he wrenches back and away from his touch, seconds before the worst can come to pass. not quick enough to avoid the passing touch. rather than life radiating from him and warming loki's finger, the cold sensation of death chases after it.
the brilliant gold of his skin washes to a flat, matte black seconds afterwards. he's breathing heavily, one hand gripping tightly to the front of his shirt. as if that's all that's holding him together. as if that makes any difference, when his expression is twisted up somewhere between rage and anguish. ]
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Did he break Josh?
There's a moment of pregnant silence as Loki backs off another step, eyeing him. Judging that reaction, the expression. He swallows his anger before it can bank and crest back up, stuffing it back down so he can deal with Josh first. ]
Breathe. Count one-and-two.
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he covers his face with his other hand, running shaky fingers through his hair.
if he's this far gone? he should get the fuck out of the city for a while. away from everyone. away from laurie, and from david, and from anybody else who might veer to close to try to help when he's at risk of completely losing himself and lashing out. ]
... I'm sorry. [ ... ] Just... Tell your friend I'm sorry.
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[ Softening his voice so it sounds entirely unlike his tone from before, his gaze tracks over him until he's sure he is being heard. ]
I am not sure why but you seem to be under incredible stress. As long as you don't touch me, I'm fine.
I'll shut up. Breathe, and talk to me.
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... I don't need to touch you to hurt you. I used to and then I didn't. I used to only be able to heal until one day I could... do this too.
[ he lifts his head. the black is splashed with gold. moving like a lava lamp, flickering with every word. ]
That's just how powerful mutations work.
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... You look a little like soup, too. No offence.
[ He stops acting scared and straightens up, offering Josh his hand. ]
No Nifleheim, back to Asgard. Back to gold. I trust you.
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[ okay, stop. stop. breathe. don't get angry. stop flipping the fuck out.
he shakes his head. ]
I'm not bragging and I'm not doing this on purpose.
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[ He waits, not advancing but neither retracting his hand. ]
We are both going to live forever so trust me when I say, I can wait.
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he doesn't answer. it takes several minutes for him to slowly unfurl himself, to reach out to loosely grasp loki's fingers with a golden hand. ]
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PHEW.]There you go.
[ He gives those fingers a gentle squeeze, eyeing him. ]
Hello, goldie.
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Are you hurt?
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[ That is 100% not true, he had no idea if that would work but yay for lies working and staying calm. ]
Are we all Asgardian again?
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[ he's pretty sure he's going to have to deal with this. ]
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[ Looking around, he eyeballs the couch. ]
Do you prefer something to pizza?
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[ mm. ]
... I usually eat better.
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[ A weak smile quirks for a moment, mulling his options. ]
I've cooked dinner at my place, it should be ready to eat now. Billy is there, he's my housemate. I think [ gently, ] it would be good for you to break bread together ... over my fabulous cooking.
[ Giving that hand another squeeze. ]
Please, Josh. Come home with me.
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