No, it can't, because you won't let me sit in your stupid chair so I obviously have to achieve the rank of captain too in order to take over your ship.
[ The most diabolical plan!! ]
Now, 'What constitutes a warp core breach?'
[ A pencil fizzes to life in Loki's hand as he goes to write, tongue poking out the corner of his mouth. ]
It's when ... the core of the warp ... is breached.
[ Chuckling, he rubs one hand up and down the long stretch of Loki's thigh tucked in close to his side as he perches on Chris's middle. ]
That's certainly one way to go about it...
[ Watching Loki frown in concentration at the textbook in front of him, Chris can't help the terribly fond smile that creases his face, his hand on Loki's leg continuing to slowly stroke as Loki writes. ]
That's not a passing answer. You'll get dinged for that on the exam.
I'm not wrong! Details, details. I'd be a great engineer, you don't know ...
[ The petting to his thighs settles him. His empty bowl is placed on the coffee table and he returns to his new book, scribbling in his own answers, entirely engaged in it. ]
I didn't say you were wrong, I said it wasn't a passing answer.
[ There's a slight, but not insignificant difference.
It's cute, the way Loki gets engrossed in what he's doing, even if he is just doing it for the bit or trying to be funny. Or, quite possibly, he's actually interested in what he's learning, which is even better. ]
[ Chris laughs, tucking his fingers in the front of Loki's purloined shirt so he can tug him down into a little bend, making it much easier for Chris to meet him halfway for a kiss. ]
[ He leans into the smooch, hand rising automatically to comb through and play with Chris's hair when so close. The joking disgust slips, revealing more genuine unease, and his voice softens. ]
When I grow old I grow bad. I can't be like that again.
[ Chris leans out to set his bowl down, then reaches back in to take both of Loki's long-fingered hands in his own, tangling their fingers together over the book balanced on his chest. ]
You've never had me around before. I can help.
[ Bold words for a man who's not going to make it out of the next decade without being stripped of every single metric he uses to measure his own sense of self. He pushes those thoughts aside, something he's grown very used to doing. ]
At thirty-something you are going to be just as beautiful as you are now, just as clever, just as kind. I just know it. [ He pulls those hands closer so he can kiss first one, then the other, looking at Loki from over his knuckles. ] Also, thirty-something isn't old. If it is, I'm ancient.
[ It's sweet, the reassurance Chris gives. It also doesn't touch the empty pit in his chest that knows better, keeping it tamped down so shades of it only show in the lingering sadness of his smile as he watches his curled fingers be kissed. ]
I refuse to enter into a future where I'm cruel and heartless. I would be. I have been.
[ Reeling one of their clasped hands in, he drops a kiss on Chris's knuckles in return. ]
I would rather die and change a hundred times over rather than be predictably hateful.
[ Sensing the shift in tone, Chris lets the fond teasing in his expression fade into something more solemn, focusing on doing all that he can to listen attentively so that Loki doesn't feel like his concerns are being brushed carelessly aside. ]
You've never had me around before. [ It bears repeating. Maybe that's one of the reasons Chris has been afforded this just-barely-a-decade of life left. Maybe this is one of the ways he can make a difference that lasts long beyond his own life. ] I don't want to sound arrogant, but. I can help. I want to help. I want to be there for you.
[ He doesn't know enough about Loki's life or his past or his mythos to make any kind of guess about what kind of support system he had, or didn't have, before, but if there's one thing Chris knows he can do, it's be damn supportive. Even if all he does is help Loki study for his quizzes if he actually decides to enroll in Starfleet, he'll be there. ]
The future isn't set in stone. [ Except for his, apparently. He's made peace with that. ] I believe in you.
No future is, but universes like the same patterns and try to repeat. I know I have you, but ...
[ His hands are still, gaze resting on them as (in the wake of feeling something more between them today) he dredges up a confession he's been dreading. ]
I change, Chris. Every time I die, I come back different. I remember most of what went before but it's like seeing a movie in a mirror. If something happens to me and I get killed, the Loki who comes back won't be me ... whoever it is, they will remember how I felt about you and absorb those memories, maybe even the feelings, but they won't have lived them.
[ Annoyed with his own description to at sounds so paltry and weak, he sighs. ]
The life of a god reflects their era. I am curious and mischievous, and I don't want to hurt anyone even when I do. Before me, I was wracked with guilt over the death of a child I killed. Before him, I was the magpie mentoring myself, that same child, and Loki was so very innocent in those days ... that was how I killed myself.
I'm always at war with Loki, you see. That's what being a chaos god means.
[ He won't lie, he doesn't fully understand Loki's explanation. Not because he didn't word it well, but mainly because he's never known a god before, never had to deal with the complexities of reincarnation, never had to think about what it might mean to be reborn with access to who you were before. Chris has only lived some forty-odd years on this earth, and if his soul belonged to another body before his, he has no memory of it.
All he knows is that the Loki of now, his Loki, is worth fighting for. And, more to the point, he's hurting over something that hasn't yet come to pass, that might never come to pass, because he wants to be good and he's afraid he'll disappoint. ]
So we'll just have to keep you from dying. [ What a hypocrite he's turning out to be. ] I'm sure I'll like any Loki I'm lucky enough to meet, but you ... [ he squeezes Loki's hands, waiting until those green eyes lift to meet his own, ] are the one I love.
[ He's not usually so verbose about his feelings, so forthright, but Loki is clearly struggling, and Chris wants to help. He has no idea if this will make things worse or not, but he has to try. ]
[ Swallowing the lump in his throat as he hears that admission has Loki feeling safe again, even if it's a lie. He's the prince of lies, surely he's allowed to have some pretty ones about his own future? ]
Okay.
[ Soft as the reply is, he offers a chaste kiss to seal his belief in Chris. The hair he stopped combing through gets some more attention and he hitches up a smile. ]
No matter what happens to me, I'll always keep you safe. I promise.
[ He could admit to what's in store for his own future. Loki might view his silence as deliberately obfuscating the truth, at an attempt to mislead him, some kind of way to lie to him when really all it is is an attempt to avoid making something that's clearly upsetting his boyfriend all about him and his own problems.
If they ever discuss Chris's future, it won't be piggybacking on memories of Loki's trauma. That's not fair to him. ]
Sweetheart.
[ He pulls the book out from between them and sets it aside, then twists them both to dump Loki onto the cushions alongside him so he can curl up between with Loki sandwiched between his chest and the back of the couch, his body a bulwark between him and the outside world. It's a tight squeeze, but they've already demonstrated they can fit, and Chris doesn't mind being a little squished if it means making that smile feel more genuine. ]
[ That's some nimble manoeuvring, Loki slides wherever Chris pushes him and is soon the happy middle of a sofa sandwich, making himself more comfortable by hooking a leg over Chris's hip and snuggling into his chest. ]
Your bread makes me miss home, then I miss being there without you, and then I miss you even when I haven't left. It's cursed carbs.
[ Better for Chris to dump Loki off his lap into the couch than onto the floor, even if he would have followed immediately after anyway. This is a much softer landing.
He curls the arm pinned beneath them up over Loki's back to hold him close, his free hand stroking down the long line of his back from the nape of his neck down over his hip and along the thigh he's thrown over Chris's hip. ]
[ He lays his head on Chris's shoulder and traces idle runes over his chest, closing his eyes whenever the hand petting him in such a long line finishes its journey. It's cosy and he loves being held, rubbing his cheek on a shirt warmed by Chris's bodyheat.
He pouts, disliking the infantile nature of what he has to ask next. ]
[ Loki still hasn't returned himself to his usual height, so he fits quite nicely against Chris's chest and nobody overhangs the edge of the couch, which makes it much easier for Chris to nuzzle his chin into the soft mop of black hair tucked up against his chest as his hand resumes its long meandering stroke down Loki's body again. ]
Yeah. That is still the accepted term for a male half of a couple. Unless you young'uns have started new slang I'm too old to understand.
Well. "Partner" makes us sound like we're in business together.
[ To be fair, all Chris seems to want to do with a trapped Loki is cuddle him and maybe make out a little once the worst of the sore feelings have passed. SHIELD probably had other motivations in mind when they tried to capture him. ]
I thought "sugarbaby" implied a certain monetary gain involved. Are you hinting at something? Should I be buying you presents?
[ He sniffs primly, hiding his smile in Loki's hair, and tickles down his back a little as he continues petting him in long, slow strokes. ] I see how it is.
[ Letting his hand linger over the swell of Loki's ass in his soft green leggings, Chris gives him a little squeeze before trailing his fingers down the seam in a light but purposeful press. ]
You're not too sore? You seemed awfully squirmy when I touched you earlier.
Nothing hurts, it's already healing if it was. You're handsy, that's all.
[ That's not the excuse it's cracked up to be, not with Loki blushing, but he does guide Chris's hand on his ass under his leggings to showcase his lubed-up hole.
He bats his lashes up at him, shrugging his way onto a bent elbow. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ The most diabolical plan!! ]
Now, 'What constitutes a warp core breach?'
[ A pencil fizzes to life in Loki's hand as he goes to write, tongue poking out the corner of his mouth. ]
It's when ... the core of the warp ... is breached.
no subject
That's certainly one way to go about it...
[ Watching Loki frown in concentration at the textbook in front of him, Chris can't help the terribly fond smile that creases his face, his hand on Loki's leg continuing to slowly stroke as Loki writes. ]
That's not a passing answer. You'll get dinged for that on the exam.
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[ The petting to his thighs settles him. His empty bowl is placed on the coffee table and he returns to his new book, scribbling in his own answers, entirely engaged in it. ]
How long does it take to make captain?
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[ There's a slight, but not insignificant difference.
It's cute, the way Loki gets engrossed in what he's doing, even if he is just doing it for the bit or trying to be funny. Or, quite possibly, he's actually interested in what he's learning, which is even better. ]
Ten to fifteen years is pretty standard.
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I'd be old.
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Loki. How old are you already?
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[ He leans into the smooch, hand rising automatically to comb through and play with Chris's hair when so close. The joking disgust slips, revealing more genuine unease, and his voice softens. ]
When I grow old I grow bad. I can't be like that again.
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You've never had me around before. I can help.
[ Bold words for a man who's not going to make it out of the next decade without being stripped of every single metric he uses to measure his own sense of self. He pushes those thoughts aside, something he's grown very used to doing. ]
At thirty-something you are going to be just as beautiful as you are now, just as clever, just as kind. I just know it. [ He pulls those hands closer so he can kiss first one, then the other, looking at Loki from over his knuckles. ] Also, thirty-something isn't old. If it is, I'm ancient.
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I refuse to enter into a future where I'm cruel and heartless. I would be. I have been.
[ Reeling one of their clasped hands in, he drops a kiss on Chris's knuckles in return. ]
I would rather die and change a hundred times over rather than be predictably hateful.
no subject
You've never had me around before. [ It bears repeating. Maybe that's one of the reasons Chris has been afforded this just-barely-a-decade of life left. Maybe this is one of the ways he can make a difference that lasts long beyond his own life. ] I don't want to sound arrogant, but. I can help. I want to help. I want to be there for you.
[ He doesn't know enough about Loki's life or his past or his mythos to make any kind of guess about what kind of support system he had, or didn't have, before, but if there's one thing Chris knows he can do, it's be damn supportive. Even if all he does is help Loki study for his quizzes if he actually decides to enroll in Starfleet, he'll be there. ]
The future isn't set in stone. [ Except for his, apparently. He's made peace with that. ] I believe in you.
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[ His hands are still, gaze resting on them as (in the wake of feeling something more between them today) he dredges up a confession he's been dreading. ]
You might not have me, as you know me, for long.
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What do you mean?
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[ Annoyed with his own description to at sounds so paltry and weak, he sighs. ]
The life of a god reflects their era. I am curious and mischievous, and I don't want to hurt anyone even when I do. Before me, I was wracked with guilt over the death of a child I killed. Before him, I was the magpie mentoring myself, that same child, and Loki was so very innocent in those days ... that was how I killed myself.
I'm always at war with Loki, you see. That's what being a chaos god means.
So ... I'm Loki, but I'm also ... me.
no subject
All he knows is that the Loki of now, his Loki, is worth fighting for. And, more to the point, he's hurting over something that hasn't yet come to pass, that might never come to pass, because he wants to be good and he's afraid he'll disappoint. ]
So we'll just have to keep you from dying. [ What a hypocrite he's turning out to be. ] I'm sure I'll like any Loki I'm lucky enough to meet, but you ... [ he squeezes Loki's hands, waiting until those green eyes lift to meet his own, ] are the one I love.
[ He's not usually so verbose about his feelings, so forthright, but Loki is clearly struggling, and Chris wants to help. He has no idea if this will make things worse or not, but he has to try. ]
no subject
Okay.
[ Soft as the reply is, he offers a chaste kiss to seal his belief in Chris. The hair he stopped combing through gets some more attention and he hitches up a smile. ]
No matter what happens to me, I'll always keep you safe. I promise.
no subject
If they ever discuss Chris's future, it won't be piggybacking on memories of Loki's trauma. That's not fair to him. ]
Sweetheart.
[ He pulls the book out from between them and sets it aside, then twists them both to dump Loki onto the cushions alongside him so he can curl up between with Loki sandwiched between his chest and the back of the couch, his body a bulwark between him and the outside world. It's a tight squeeze, but they've already demonstrated they can fit, and Chris doesn't mind being a little squished if it means making that smile feel more genuine. ]
This is some heavy talk over my bread.
no subject
[ That's some nimble manoeuvring, Loki slides wherever Chris pushes him and is soon the happy middle of a sofa sandwich, making himself more comfortable by hooking a leg over Chris's hip and snuggling into his chest. ]
Your bread makes me miss home, then I miss being there without you, and then I miss you even when I haven't left. It's cursed carbs.
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He curls the arm pinned beneath them up over Loki's back to hold him close, his free hand stroking down the long line of his back from the nape of his neck down over his hip and along the thigh he's thrown over Chris's hip. ]
So I should stop cooking for you?
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[ He lays his head on Chris's shoulder and traces idle runes over his chest, closing his eyes whenever the hand petting him in such a long line finishes its journey. It's cosy and he loves being held, rubbing his cheek on a shirt warmed by Chris's bodyheat.
He pouts, disliking the infantile nature of what he has to ask next. ]
You're my boyfriend now, yes?
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[ Loki still hasn't returned himself to his usual height, so he fits quite nicely against Chris's chest and nobody overhangs the edge of the couch, which makes it much easier for Chris to nuzzle his chin into the soft mop of black hair tucked up against his chest as his hand resumes its long meandering stroke down Loki's body again. ]
Yeah. That is still the accepted term for a male half of a couple. Unless you young'uns have started new slang I'm too old to understand.
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[ His shrug doesn't disturb the way Chris's hands soothe his nerves, more effective at trapping Loki than anything SHIELD could devise. ]
It was either that or being introduced as your interdimensional sugarbaby.
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[ To be fair, all Chris seems to want to do with a trapped Loki is cuddle him and maybe make out a little once the worst of the sore feelings have passed. SHIELD probably had other motivations in mind when they tried to capture him. ]
I thought "sugarbaby" implied a certain monetary gain involved. Are you hinting at something? Should I be buying you presents?
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[ Loki smiles against Chris's shirt, nuzzling up at his chin. ]
Any gain I get will hopefully come in the form of being fucked awake in the morning.
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[ He sniffs primly, hiding his smile in Loki's hair, and tickles down his back a little as he continues petting him in long, slow strokes. ] I see how it is.
[ Letting his hand linger over the swell of Loki's ass in his soft green leggings, Chris gives him a little squeeze before trailing his fingers down the seam in a light but purposeful press. ]
You're not too sore? You seemed awfully squirmy when I touched you earlier.
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[ That's not the excuse it's cracked up to be, not with Loki blushing, but he does guide Chris's hand on his ass under his leggings to showcase his lubed-up hole.
He bats his lashes up at him, shrugging his way onto a bent elbow. ]
I got hard again in the bath.
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